The Have It Allympics

Here are some highlights of this year’s diverse, inclusive, monocultural lifetime games.  Get your ambassador of goodwill on!

First up, the long distance Meal Relay:  Before the advent of kids, Healthy Meals was ahead, until she lost points on Whole Paycheck debits and had to work during all the farmer’s markets.  Inexpensive Meals had a small lead, but lost on a taste technicality, giving a nod to Quick-n-Easy to Prepare Meals.  Pre-packaged foods in boxes and cans, frozen objects, plus breads and desserts to make up for taste led to loose-fitting, but hideous uniforms which again gave the advantage back to Healthy Meals, currently in the lead and mentoring Healthy Snacks.

The Job Race pits three tough competitors:  Part-time Hours, Excellent Pay and Passionate Work.  Up first is the brave Part-Time Hours, currently winning, but surprisingly still tired at the end of every lap.  Excellent Pay is a bitter runner up, and Passionate Work is still in the background, looking to gain advantage.  Her dad was the coach on this one, but then he had a wife to take care of the kids and house, so no advantage to this cheerful competitor.

It’s been an emotional rollercoaster in the Balanced Life competition, which has seen quite a few wipeouts and at least one bellyflop.   Clean House looked to set a new world record until a home renovation compound fracture knocked it out of the semi-finals.  The elimination of Stressful Job seemed to point towards a fairytale story for the Writing, Organized and Consulting Trio which unfortunately ended the races with a high five, left hanging.  Against overwhelming odds, Time for Self and Visiting Friends are inching ahead in the life race, despite rumors of increased use of performance-impairing substances.  And, like its state of origin,  Healthy Body is again languishing in last place.

They’ve just sacrificed so much for this moment, but Team R&J is still going for Allympic Gold in Raising Happy Kids.  Even the rain fails to dampen the kids’ spirits; they complain, ” we went to a parade in the rain.”  Although sometimes the wrong national anthem is played, these cheerful competitors are eager to request/demand appropriate alternatives.  Errors in parental choices are mentally replayed in slow motion, over and over again, but you have to give these parents credit for their emotional rollercoaster, pinnacle career altering, once in a lifetime, fairytale, remarkable, brave, ambassador of goodwill attitude.

There you have it folks and Congratulations to TEAM R&J, just kids from small towns in America.  We regret to report that the Closing Ceremonies for the Have It Allympics have been canceled due to poor time-management and upcoming episode of “True Blood.”

Catch ESPN2 at midnight for results on the Significant Other Races pitting co-parent, housekeeper, entertainer, lover, friend, and supporter for primary role.  Don’t miss the Family Get Together Facilitator competition for spectacular ideas, solitary achievements, but really low team coordination.